People ask in a tone of almost telling me “you are not gonna stay home with her as long as your firstborn..?” They ask in a way of certainty “you are not gonna breastfeed her as long as your first baby?” They tell me in a way of almost assuming “you are not gonna do this that and the other…” and the assumption I pick up from everyone is that my second child will somehow come second and by default receive less.
And though I get people’s reasoning is “given you have your first child tagging along this time round”, (which I appreciate and can totally vouch for as already a witness of that fact), I also detect an inner intention of “you can’t possibly put so much time and effort again! You got your life to take care of and there’s also YOU in the picture!”
Yet to me, this IS me and this IS my life right now and my kids are an inseparable, integral and central part of it and I cannot and I sincerely wish not escape from this very path that nature itself intended. Especially during this crucial period when their emotional and mental world is being built, when their hands are so little and their spirits so big, I do, with all my soul, intend to make them the focal point of my life and put my “life” a little bit aside; That’s a sacrifice I consciously make and in fact derive great joy and contentment from. I am certain (seeing already my firstborn) that the fruits of this sacrifice will reward me with huge delight in the near and far future, when my children will (hopefully) flourish and freely fly out to their own chosen ways and paths.
My darling angel, today you are one month old. I realize perfectly well that the circumstances and experience vary greatly from my first-time mother ones…yet I promise you that my dedication, discipline and perseverance through the various hurdles as well as my love is of an equal amount to that of my firstborn. I may live it differently, I may think it from a different angle but my offerings will be just as openhandedly, lovingly and unconditionally granted to you in as much as I can. I aim to hug you, to smell and kiss you, to be physically next to you, to be emotionally available just as much, I will be your mother and fairly provide to you JUST as much! I may not manage to do so in the end, that I’m no fool to believe nor to seek…I see already the multiple occasions I fail to attend your cry at once or to peacefully lullaby you to sleep – another toddler calls for my time and attention…but I know I start off with a genuine intention to offer you all of it just the same…and I feel good in my heart knowing that, as well as in knowing that it is the intention behind my actions that you pick up more than my actions themselves. I know you are so pure and wise enough to see, to ascertain my love and wishes, irrespective of how much of my intentions I materialize and manifest in the end.
Besides, if there’s something that my firstborn child (or my uninterrupted and dedicated offerings to my firstborn child) has taught, is that a mother’s touch is ever so healing and the mother-child bond ever so deep, that the minute a mother lays her loving arms around her child, that child subconsciously travels to the safe, easy, worry-free and calm state it was in when in the belly and in the warm realm of its mother’s womb.
And that is why it feels so good to be near our mummy and near you forever is where your mummy intends to be. So worry not my little flower, you will always be my spring…and though you may have come second in my life, in my heart you both come first.
Happy one month in life my Aloe!