I was breastfeeding Aloe thinking how difficult of a role being a parent is, but also being a child. A new soul star magically landing on this earth…a new essence coming to learn in this human dimension.
And being a new child means automatically being at the parents’ mercy, understanding, ability and judgment, often parents’ guinea pigs, almost like our little “human creation” experiment. How hard is it to strike the right balance between on the one hand respecting yourself as an entity, whether in your parental role or the ‘you’ before or beyond such a role, and on the other hand respecting the unique voice and tendencies, gifts and talents or even weaknesses and “painbody” your child brought with it? They say that our greatest core lesson is found in duality and duality is at its most prime examples in the parent-child dynamic; in short meaning that our kids have come to trigger and highlight parts we haven’t accepted in others or in ourselves, and in that way make us grow…hence it is also widely accepted that it is the children that in fact raise the parents (and so in a much more profound way) rather than the parents raising the children. It could be that we want the perfect child (not in the egoic showcasing sense but in our true effort to shield our child from behaviour which we have seen being proven simply wrong or even painful). Perhaps we then get a very much imperfect child, whose flaws teach us to abandon this idea of perfectionism, which is after all an unhealthy state of being. Perhaps the greatest challenge of a parent is to strike the right balance between teaching basic life rules and building character. Too much interference or too much democracy may cast unhappiness, since too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Too many rules and too much dominance may also cast a different yet equal amount of unhappiness. Either way there’s a time and place for both.
How easily however can our love be a blinding factor? How much can our tiredness also deter us from acting out of our full potential and love? How far do the every day practical responsibilities of a child get in the way of the parent’s individual energy centre? And yet how much would you not have it ANY other way?
It takes such little time in the parenting shoes to realize that to achieve the right balance is truly a demanding, if not the most demanding, task. For at the end of the day, there is a such fine line between our life and theirs.
And no doubt, there shall be areas or times our children will be examples worth imitating and areas or times they will be examples worth avoiding. Let’s hope to accept and understand our children but never to attempt justifying or defending them. Because then we enter the blind zone. Our kids may be the center of our world but not the centre of this universe and by keeping our display of adoration on levels that are healthy we prevent them from becoming self-absorbed and entitled. Gentle affection offered within clear boundaries can often be the key in making them feel worthy and shine from within, and we know that those who shine from within are rarely in need of being in the spotlight. The aim is to empower our kids to make appropriate and tailor-made choices while maintaining clear hierarchy. Our job is not to keep them always happy nor to shield them from pain; kids need first-hand experience with discomfort so that they learn how to deal with sadness and be able to regulate their emotions. Let’s make some room for their moods and tears.
May our best intentions come through in the form of pure divine light, providing us with the ability, at times we fail to truly reach our children or understand the reasoning behind the way they feel or act, to say “Darling I don’t get you, but that’s who you are and don’t you dare let me change it, and most importantly don’t you dare be ashamed of it.” So long as this is done with reciprocated respect and gratitude, this is bound to be a recipe of success. Success being, a content peaceful parent and child. Let’s not lose sight of our values nor bother with keeping up appearances and losing ourselves and our cool along the way. Being a parent is tough and we need our antennas fully-functional and sharp to be our guide and subsequently theirs. And just like there isn’t the perfect child and that’s ok, there isn’t the perfect parent and that’s equally ok…’cause sometimes, the only thing missing from making something raw real and perfect, is an imperfection.
Always with so much love and light,
Tania Pirilidou Karatsi